Resolution…Sort Of

Dec 15

I got a message from Dr. Gonzalez yesterday regarding my MRI.  Thankfully, the aneursym has not grown.  He was very optimistic about this as I guess oftentimes, in his day-to-day work, aneursyms do grow and need to be tended to accordingly.  Well, for now at least, mine is staying microscopic and will not be checked in on until next Fall.


I am certainly relieved that I don’t need to have some sort of emergency brain surgery and that everything is status quo (though I definitely wish that my “status quo” was a little closer to everyone else’s), though I’d be lying if I said I had not deeply hoped for the aneursym to be completely gone, to have miraculously been dissolved back into my vascular system.  However, it’s still here, but so is the God that knit it all together in the first place.


I suppose that if our hope was dependent on outcomes then we would certainly never get to experience the peace-giving, nature-defying, real deal hope that is available to us.  Hope can only be based on confidence in the Deliver, not the deliverance itself–anything less than that is a watered-down version of hope, one where we are desperately trying to grasp hold of a vapor.


The thought of every Fall, from now on, experiencing this bizarre aneurysm raffle is a hard thought for me.  Will next year be the year that it has grown?  The thought of my little ticking time bomb is kind of unsettling, but the reality is that we are all living in bodies and in a world that is in a state of irreparable, broken-down decay.  To a degree, we are all walking, ticking time bombs, and don’t we just march on as though all that we have and do and desire will continue on forever?  In a strange, only-God-could-make-this-bad-thing-a-good-thing revelation, I am so thankful to have continuing reminders, like my aneurysm, to live my life in an attitude of prayer, thankfulness, trust, fullness, and hope.

{photos by ZoomWorks}


This Christmas, maybe more than ever before, I have so much to be grateful for, and aneursym or not, I intend to enjoy those I love (including my two main men–aren’t they cute!) and celebrate the birth of the baby that gave us the most perfect gift of hope.


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