The Very First Miracle

Feb 20

James is pretty good at making disastrous messes, and sometimes he says things that make his Mommy cry in the bathroom after he’s galloped off to the next room.  Life with a 4-year old is not for the faint of heart.

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(That’s strawberries and chocolate…I think)

It’s the start of another week, and a messy life is made messier by my little guy.  Straightening up the house is not as easy as it once was, and now, it’s definitely even harder.  In my moment of annoyance, however, I am overcome by the reminder of a most poignant observation by Dr. Gonzalez at our recent appointment.  We were discussing my aneurysm and future pregnancy, which naturally directed the conversation to my pregnancy and delivery of James.  I had never mentioned the details of James’ birth to Dr. Gonzalez, but as I mentioned my natural delivery, with James in the extremely painful “sunny side up” position, and the masses of blood vessels that burst in my eyes from the intense strain, his eyes widened.  “Truly, you and James surviving his birth was the first miracle of them all”, he said.

 As I view that moment, knowing what I know now, it’s hard not to sob out loud with gratitude to the Lord for giving me the gift of His timing.  I picture the invisible hand of the One who knew me as I was knit together in my mother’s womb, supporting that worn out tangle of blood vessels in my brain, securing it as I pushed and strained so mightily.  Surely, if my AVM had ruptured during James’ first moments on earth–which by all accounts, it should have ruptured–the already chaotic experience of delivery would have fatally disguised the true chaos happening in my brain.  James and I would not have been given the chance to know each other in life as mother and child.

*****

Even in the messes that surround me and my son today, they pale in comparison to the messes that could have been, but for the grace of God.  My prayer is that the pains associated with bringing another imperfect human into this world would be overcome by the truth and the joy that each moment with that chocolate-covered mouth and those grass-stained knees is a miracle.

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